The Big Bang Fable
by Risknight
Summary: A beautiful princess, an army of vicious trolls, and a tall, brave ...stable boy? Not your average fairy tale, I assure you.
1. Chapter 1

**Just so you know, if you read this story, I am not responsible for your nightmares, headaches, insomnia, blurred vision, upset stomach, shakes, shivers, tremblings, rising blood pressure, decreased appetite, gray hairs, unsightly limps, moles, lopsided ears, humped backs, nostril flares, or athlete's foot. You've been warned.**

* * *

Fableton was a happy land. It was the deep well from which all hopes and dreams sprang from. To the East lived the Persons, the men and women of fairy tales. Cinderella, who ran a boutique, Hansel and Gretel with their bakery, Goldilocks, who chaired the Food Safety Commission, and so on. They were the ones who inspired the stories told to children.

To the south lay the Wild lands. Why it was called that, no one knew, since all the animals that lived there were actually quite tame. Here lived every kind of speaking and thinking animal ever imagined. Lots of mice, ducks, rascally rabbits, and even a flying elephant. There was a whole suburb of Carebears.

In the North resided the Holidays. Santa, Jack Skellington, The Chinese Dragon, and so on. It was also home to large communities of rowdy leprechauns and elves who drank too much and got into scuffles.

In the center of the land was a large garden. Here reigned the monarch of the lands, Mother Goose. She kept watch over the populace with benign goodwill for the most part. However, there was one thorn in her garden, metaphorically speaking, that strained her patience.

To the west was a high mountain range. Few paid any attention to it. To the majority of the residents it just… was. Fewer still knew that beyond the mountain was a thick forest of vines. Many were as thick as a man. It was the home of several species of insect. Many would bite if disturbed. The rest would bite for no reason at all.

Past the forest was a chasm. It wasn't a true bottomless pit, but it was deep enough that if any man fell in, they would grow old and die before hitting the bottom. There was a narrow bridge that spanned the chasm, but it was a magical bridge. It only appeared during a full moon. It was about 18 inches wide and had no side rails. It had been attached to the posts at either end with a glue gun. If you managed to cross it you were then confronted by a maze with hedges 100 feet tall.

The maze was home to angry trolls, bloodthirsty dragons and scorpions the size of horses. There were dozens of deadly traps along the paths, and if someone tried to climb over the walls, they would quickly find themselves devoured by carnivorous fire sprites.

At the center of the maze was a small house surrounded by a lush lawn. The lawn was decorated by thousands of little wooden signs. No traveler knew what the signs said, because none had ever managed to make it out of the maze. Which was exactly what vexed Mother Goose so much.

Residing in that small house was the only adult female of Fableton that had she had never found a True Love for. A stubborn, willful beauty who was determined to never be anyone's happily ever after.

Mother Goose sighed as she tended the violets in her garden. She had sent handsome princes, bold knights, courageous adventures, stalwart huntsmen and even a sexy pool boy once. None had succeeded. All had perished. That poor pool boy. It was very difficult to clean a pool when you were reduced to nothing but a few fingers and a spleen.

She had then went the opposite direction. She sent outrageous buccaneers, wicked pirates, boastful wizards and plundering outlaws on the chance that the beauty liked bad boys. Same results. The wizard came the closest, until his fireball bounced off the scorpion and set his robes ablaze. Turns out scorpions don't like their food cooked, but trolls do.

"Mother Goose?"

She smiled when she turned to find Seibert, the puffed up Sheriff of Nottingham approaching. He thought entirely too highly of himself, but he had a knack for keeping the leprechauns and elves in line. "Hello, Sheriff. You look perturbed."

He huffed angrily. "They are at it again," he growled. "The stable boys were doing that… that… _science_ stuff again," he spat out.

Mother Goose sighed and set her watering can down. "Bring them to me," she said wearily. She moved to her tea table and sat down. A couple of minutes later the Sheriff returned with the five stable boys. He gave them one last glare before turning and striding away. Mother Goose stared at them for several seconds before waving them forward. She just knew this conversation was going to give her a headache.

Mother Goose sipped her tea, trying to decide what to do with the five men before her. She hated having to punish anyone, but honestly, these five just kept pushing.

"So," she began sternly, "you boys have once again neglected your duties to play at that hokum you call science."

"It's not hokum," the tallest said stubbornly. The other four gave him warning looks.

She tried not to smile at the way the taller one met her eyes unwaveringly. "Oh? And have you brought a proton or neutron for me to see?"

The other four looked down at the ground but the leader merely clenched his fists tightly. She was about to give them their punishment when a high pitched shriek echoed nearby. She turned to the looking glass in time to see the latest adventurer, Sir Zachary, being devoured by a nasty looking beetle the size of a hobbit. She gritted her teeth with frustration.

She was about to vent aloud when she heard one of the stable boys moan and then hit the ground. She looked at his fainted form curiously as an idea began to take root.

Hmmm. Maybe she could accomplish two goals at once. At the very least, the stable boys would be out of her hair. She smiled encouragingly, ignoring the suspicion that blossomed on the leader's face.

"You're continued flaunting of the rules show me you five have courage. So, I have a task for you," she said calmly. "An epic adventure befitting five brave lads such as yourself. None have succeeded, but maybe that is because this is a quest for scientists, not knights."

The three short ones looked faint, but the tallest looked intrigued. "What sort of quest?"

She laughed lightly. "Why, the greatest quest of all. The quest for true love."

Blue birds flew up immediately, trilling softly. A collective sigh of happiness went up across the land. Heart shaped clouds appeared in the sky. Cherubs gathered and began to sing a gentle love song, but a stiff voice cut them off.

"No, thank you."

The birds collided in midair, the clouds rumbled with thunder, and the sigh trailed off into a sob.

Mother Goose gawked at the insolent male before turning angry. "What is your name?" she demanded.

"Sheldor the Stable boy," he replied cautiously. His companions helped the one who was had fainted earlier back to his feet.

"Okay, Sheldor," she said, standing up and approaching them. "What about fame?"

He shook his head firmly.

"Riches," she promised.

Again, he declined.

Mother Goose was aghast at his stubborn refusal. She shoved her fists into her hips. "What _do_ you want?!" she growled.

Sheldor looked down at his companions pensively. He thought about it carefully before turning back to the monarch. "A laboratory," he said finally. "A place where anyone so inclined can study the mysteries of the universe peacefully, without interference or belittling."

Mother Goose looked at the Looking Glass where the beetle was currently wiping it's mouth fastidiously on the tattered remains of Sir Zackary's cloak. "Fine," she agreed. "Complete the quest and you get your Laboratory. Now, get out of my sight. Go see the wizard, Gabhaus. He will give you a map, supplies and weapons."

Once they were gone, she walked over to the Looking Glass. "They probably won't make it over the mountain, but at least they won't disturb my peace anymore," she muttered.


	2. Chapter 2

**Apparently it's devilbk's birthday. He insists on a second chapter as his present. Devilbk is a mean slave driver who forces poor, innocent ff writers to work their poor, weak fingers to the bone. Now, excuse me while I go hide in my closet so he can't force me into more work.**

* * *

"Are you insane?!" Wolo hissed as they climbed the stairs to the wizard's tower.

Sheldor rolled his eyes superiorly. "Look, all we have to do is complete the quest and we will have our very own laboratory. We'll finally be able to study all the things that we find intriguing to our heart's content. No more mucking out stalls. No more kicks from the unicorns. No more of Hofstad's hay fever."

Hofstad glared at him briefly. "We don't even know what this quest is!"

Rajellan nodded quickly. "We might die."

Kripian snorted. "Maybe you wosers might, but I've been pwacticing my sword pway."

Sheldor ignored the bickering around him. For his very own lab, he would face an army of trolls.

* * *

"What do you mean we'll be facing an army of trolls?" Hofstad wailed loudly.

Gabhaus set five packs of provisions on the bench and turned to search for five traveling cloaks in the right sizes. "And dragons, scorpions, a maze," he paused and looked thoughtful. "I once heard there was a blood sucking vampire, too. Or was it a killer rabbit?"

Gabhaus shrugged and returned to his task. "Anyway," he said politely, "the quest is pretty straightforward. Find and rescue the damsel in distress. Once you do that, you get your reward."

Rajellan looked at the scimitar he held gingerly, and whimpered. Wolo looked queasy. Kripian tried to look confident and fierce, but he was sweating nervously.

Sheldor tucked a dagger into his cloak pocket and his sword into it's sheath. He shouldered a pack of rations with a determined expression. "Anything is better than being a stable boy," he said firmly as he headed to the door.

"Even death?" Hofstad bellowed.

Sheldor nodded. "Especially when it comes to the winged horses." He looked back at the wizard. "They tend to fly overhead and drop poop on you."

Gabhaus grimaced with sympathy. He held out a tiny pouch. "One last thing. This is pixie dust. When your task is complete, it will glow. Sprinkle some on each of you and you will be magically transported back here."

Sheldor took the pouch and hung it around his neck by it's strings. He tucked it inside his two tunics and left the tower.

The Sheriff of Nottingham stood nearby with a carriage. "Mother Goose said to give you a ride to the base of the mountain. Get in." Sheldor and his friends looked at each other before looking back at him warily. The sheriff grinned widely. "I don't have all day, boys. No tricks. I am just giving you a ride. I figure what awaits you on that mountain is worse than anything I could think up."

The former stable boys climbed up gingerly and the Sheriff pulled himself into the driver's seat. He flicked the reins and the horses took off at an even pace. Everyone was quiet, each man caught up in his thoughts. Before much time had passed, they found themselves on a lonely road, looking at the winding dusty path that led up the mountainside.

The carriage came to a standstill and they climbed out. The sheriff shook his head with sympathy. "Good luck, you poor bastards. I doubt I'll ever see any of you again." With those less than comforting words, he flicked the reins and was soon gone from sight.

Sheldor looked back toward the mountain, a sense of foreboding rising up in him. He shook it off quickly and walked over to an old campfire pit. They would rest here since night was close at hand and start their journey in the morning.

* * *

Sheldor looked up at the starry sky and wondered why he wasn't as scared as his companions. From the moment Mother Goose had said she had a quest for them, he had felt a sense of doom, but he also felt much calmer than the others. Resigned, almost.

He had never been interested in following in his father or brother's footsteps. His father was a pirate, sailing up and down the eastern coast, looting and fighting as a member of Captain Hook's crew. They never knew when he was going to come back for a visit. His brother had been a black knight. He had met a grisly end at the hands of King Arthur.

No, he had no interest in quests or adventures. He was fascinated by the mysteries of the universe. He wanted to know how the world came into being. What was the root of magic? Were there other worlds out there? He didn't want to know if a fireball spell was effective against a harpy, or the best way to trap a wendigo.

As for True Love, he had seen it's effects on others and wanted no part of it. His mother always turning a blind eye to her husband's proclivity for beer wenches, his sister, whose knightly husband was always off to slay some dragon (or relieve a handmaiden of her virtue), and a sister-in-law who was left with seven kids after his brother met his end.

No, he wanted nothing to do with that sentimental trap. But a lab? A safe place to study away from narrow minds? That was worth a bit of danger. With a sense of determination, Sheldor closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

_You have to wonder, would Sheldor have been relieved or insulted to know that at that very minute, under those same stars, the object of his quest was also thinking about love in a derogatory manner?_


	3. Chapter 3

**Rather than answer everyone individually with the same thing, I'm having a go at just saying it here. If you are expecting Princess Bride, you are going to be sorely disappointed. This story is not a romance. It's barely a Shenny. No trembling hearts. No lustful longings. No passionate kisses. No "As you wish" promises.**

* * *

Penelope paced the lush lawn angrily. Why couldn't Mother Goose just leave her be? She had no use for a man, no matter who he was! She liked her life just the way it was.

The giant wasp watched her nervously. All the creatures in these lands knew her aversion to men, and they were diligent about protecting her from them. So far, they had turned away or killed any who dared try to "rescue" her.

Finally she sighed and hugged his thorax. "Go tell the others," she said softly. Once the wasp had taken to the air, she headed into the maze. She would need to let the scorpions know to expect company. Few ever made it as far as the maze, but it was better to be prepared.

She hated to bother the minotaurs when they had newborn babies, though. Maybe she would insist they stay home this time. The basilisk had been complaining about needing a change of scenery lately. Perhaps he would like to leave that dusty, dark cave and come stay in the maze for a bit. As long as he promised to leave the ice dragon alone. Those two never could get along.

The scorpions were at the far south corner, playing Pin-the-Tail-on-the-Sheriff when she found them. They clicked their pincers with excitement at the news. It had been a while since they enjoyed a real battle. Sometimes playing around with the trolls just wasn't enough. She stayed long enough for one game and then headed home. When she reached her yard, she bent low near one of the signs. "I'm going to bed now. Don't forget, the minotaurs have newborns, so no loud parties, okay?"

Muffled squeaks reassured her and she headed inside. She ate a bowl of stew and drank some cider before slipping into bed. She curled up under the blankets and thought about what the wasp had told her. Mother Goose had four men camping at the base of the mountain. That in itself was unusual. She had never sent more than two before. Usually a knight and his squire, or a wizard and his apprentice.

Penelope sighed sadly. Why couldn't she just live her life here in the maze like she wanted? Sword fights with the minotaur, flying over the clouds with the dragons, dancing in the moonlight with the imps. She had no interest in True Love. Look what it had done to her family! Her mom turned into a watering pot every time her dad took off on some idiotic quest, like the time he joined up with that demi-god's crew to go after some stupid gold sheepskin. Her sister was tied to a not-so-charming prince who chased milkmaids. Her brother's wife was nice enough, but they lived in a frickin' pumpkin, for fairy's sake!

No, she was free and she intended to stay that way! She fell asleep finally, dreaming of carefree days chasing gargoyles through her yard.

_Makes you wonder what she would be dreaming of if she remembered the wasps couldn't count_.

* * *

Dawn broke and the five ex-stable boys gathered their belongings. If they set a brisk pace, they would reach the summit of the mountain by dusk.

Three hours later Sheldor gritted his teeth as Hofstad plopped down on a boulder whining about his aching feet. "Aren't we there yet?" he grumbled.

Sheldor huffed and pointed back down the path. "We can still see the ashes from our campfire!" he growled. "We are no more than 2 miles from base!"

Wolo shrugged and bit into the apple in his hand. "You know what that stupid turtle always says. 'Slow and steady wins the race'."

Sheldor snatched the apple away angrily. "And stop eating the supplies! That's your eighth apple already!"

Kripian kicked a small rock by his foot. "Wook, wosers. We're nevah gonna get there if you don't move fastah. Personawy, I want to find sheltah before it gets dawk."

Hofstad tried to glare at them all, but the sun in his eyes made him squint. "We don't even know if this quest is worth it! For all we know, there is no princess in the maze! It's probably just Mother Goose's way of getting rid of us!"

Sheldor sighed and pulled a locket from his pocket. He opened it up to show them the small portrait inside. All four crowded around the item, their eyes widening. "Her name is Penelope and if we reach the center of the maze, we get our laboratory. Happy now?"

Hofstad grabbed the locket and stared at it in awe. "She's beautiful," he whispered.

"Penewope? Not a vewy sexy name," Kripian complained. "I shall call her..… Woxanne."

Wolo licked his lips. "She's definitely worth a blister or two." Rajellan nodded eagerly.

Hofstad snapped the locket shut and thrust it into his pocket. He glared at the others. "I saw her first! We are destined to be True Loves. Our children will be smart and beautiful!"

Sheldor rolled his eyes and adjusted the way his pack lay across his back. He didn't care which of them ended up with the damsel, as long as he got his laboratory. And if the locket motivated them to hurry up the mountain, all the better!


	4. Chapter 4

**The guys are beginning their quest (much to Penelope's dismay) but she's not about to sit around idly waiting on them to show up and screw with her peaceful life. She doesn't want a happily-ever-after. No, Penelope is hoping for a grimm fairytale ending.**

* * *

She was helping the trolls polish their clubs when the fox ran up. He dropped the scrap of cloth he carried between his jaws at her feet and sat back on his haunches. Penelope knelt and hugged him close before scratching behind his ears. She pulled a couple of slices of bacon out of her pocket and he gobbled them up eagerly. She shook out the cloth and read it carefully. She dearly loved the stag beetles, but they couldn't spell worth a damn.

**Men got lokkit wit yur face. No wat yu luk lik. Orderz?**

She pulled a piece of charcoal from her pocket with a sigh. Trust Mother Goose to egg them on with the lure of beauty. Sometimes her face was nothing more than a curse. She wrote out a reply on the back of the cloth and asked the fox to take it back to the insects.

"Bad mans coming?" G'lanth asked haltingly. She smiled, knowing his English was poor at best.

She nodded wearily. "Yep," she replied, popping the "P". She rubbed oil into the leather bindings of the oak club and tried to smile. "Once again men are coming to 'rescue' me."

P'tqq patted her on the back with a beefy hand, making her whole body shake. "Saving you not needed."

She smiled for real this time. She loved these big behemoths. They could tear a man apart at the joints with little effort. She had seen them do it on several occasions. With her, however, they were gentle and supportive. They were more like family than guardians. Ever since she had run away at the age of 9, and lucked upon this place, she had felt accepted and loved. No way was she going to give that up. This is where she belonged. It was the only place she had ever been truly happy.

"I'm not worried, sweetie. I know you won't let them hurt me."

The trolls all grumbled a loud sound of agreement. They would give their lives for the beauty who tended to them, fed them, and played with them. She was theirs, and they weren't about to lose her.

* * *

The moon was high overhead when they finally found a safe place to bed down for the night. The low overhang would protect them from the elements, and they were near the summit. Sheldor settled down on a fallen log and ignored the cold wind around him. He opened his ration pack and pulled out a hard biscuit. He grimaced as he nibbled at the unappetizing food, but who knew how long they would be out here.

He noticed Hofstad sitting near a small puddle, staring at the locket with awe. Wolo and Rajellan were snoring lightly, cuddled together near the fire. Kripian was studying his latest theory on the origins of magic beans.

He hated the unknown. He was determined to solve every mystery. There was nothing as thrilling to him as discovery. He looked at the mountain ridge. He knew that on the other side was a dense vine forest. He had once heard his father talk about seeing it from his boat. He had said that any man who went into those vines never came out. His dad wasn't sure what else lived in that forest, but whatever it was, he was fairly certain it wasn't soft kitties and playful puppies.

He wasn't too worried. He had a plan. Vines were simply plants. They would be easy to cut through. His only concern was what kind of wildlife they would run into. It was possible that there were creatures inside that he was unprepared to confront.

Sheldor finished his biscuit and drew a thin blanket over him. He knew he would need adequate rest to face whatever came their way tomorrow. If they made it that far before the next nightfall. The rate his companions traveled, there was no guarantee they would make it to the forest tomorrow.

* * *

Penelope yawned and headed out of her small bedroom to the kitchen. She put on a pot of tea before heading to the shower. Today her "rescuers" would truly begin their quest. She would need to coordinate with the perils of the land to ensure their demise. There was a lot to do today.

She stripped quickly and scrubbed her hair vigorously. She washed up and dressed in a thick tunic and tights. Her sturdy boots were comfortable, and, thanks to the bag of pixie dust some wizard had dropped in the maze months ago, a bright pink color. She drank a cup of tea, pouring the rest into a flask made of hippogriff skin. She made up a few sandwiches of goat cheese and mesquite smoked hydra meat and slipped her cloak over her shoulders. Since it was Friday she filled the watering pot and poured a little of the water into each of the holes in her yard. Sighs of happiness drifted across the lawn. Then she headed into the maze with determination. Time to get rid of a few interlopers.

* * *

Sheldor studied the vines carefully while the other four rested. The trip down the mountain had gone much faster than the trip up. Mostly because Wolo had tripped, crashed into the rest of them and they had rolled, unceremoniously, down to the bottom.

There was a path, fairly well lit, ahead of them. It was well marked, and seemed serene enough. It made him suspicious. Rajellan walked over and looked at the path.

"Looks peaceful enough," he said hopefully. "Maybe this won't be as hard as we thought." He grinned and headed onto the path.

"That is not wise," Sheldor said calmly. "This path looks a bit _too_ convenient."

Rajellan snorted and looked over at Wolo, Hofstad and Kripian. "Can you believe him? Sheldor, you are always so suspicious!" He took a few more steps and turned to face them. "See? Perfectly saf…AHHHH!"

Sheldor cringed as a praying mantis the size of a giraffe picked up his fellow scientist and calmly bit off his head. Behind him Hofstad fainted, Wolo vomited, and Kripian threw himself behind a log and began crying. The mantis dropped Rajellan's body onto the back of a 6 foot long centipede and wiped it's mouth on a handkerchief before wandering off down the path.

Sheldor gulped to suppress his own nausea. Well, the path was out. He would just have to plot a course through the thick vines.


	5. Chapter 5

**Well, one down and four more to go. Who will be next? Will anyone make it through alive? Will Penelope finally be claimed as someone's True Love? Who know's what evil lurks in the hearts of men?**

* * *

Penelope was fastening the bracers over Tyb'th's massive forearm when the centipede walked up with the corpse. Unga, one of the troll women, snatched it up and took it off to the huts. They would dine pretty good tonight. "One down, three to go," Penelope said to herself, unaware that the beetle who had informed her of the 'rescuers' couldn't count higher than three.

She patted Tyb'th on the elbow and he moved away so the next troll could take his place. Penelope smiled warmly at Ha'uau and picked up a gauntlet. She used to feel bad about the deaths. It used to make her feel guilty. But over the years she had come to realize that it wasn't her fault.

Mother Goose knew how she felt. She had made it perfectly clear that she just wanted to be left alone. She had put up every deterrent she could think of. Traps, vicious creatures, dangerous trolls, even placing warning signs all over the place. The vines alone kept many away.

No, anyone who came after her was just begging to be killed. And who was she to deny them the death they so badly wanted? She had stopped feeling responsible many years ago. If any man ever did manage to get past all the precautions she had put in place, she would slaughter him herself.

* * *

Sweat poured down Sheldor's back as he hacked at the last thick vines. Behind him, his companions whimpered and cowered. He was tired of trying to shush them. They were attracting creatures to them, but so far the vines had actually worked in their favor. The insects couldn't reach through the closely entangled foliage to grab them.

He paused to wipe the sweat out of his eyes and looked up. The sun was setting and they were nowhere near a safe place. He opened his flask and gulped down some water. He looked back at the others and sighed. Morale was low, and he had no idea how to boost their confidence. Seeing Rajellan die had shaken them all, but his determination to have a lab had kept him going.

The only reason the others had not run back home was because they had seen giant wasps flying around this side of the mountain. He stepped out of the forest and looked around at the craggy cliff they had reached. According to Gabhaus, the bridge across the chasm was magical and only appeared during the light of the full moon. Tonight was the last night of that particular phase. If they didn't cross tonight, they would have to wait until next month. There was no way they could survive on this crag for that long.

"Howy cwap!" Kripian exclaimed. "How awe we supposed to cwoss that?!"

Hofstad blanched and pressed back against a large vine stalk. "Where's that bridge? There's supposed to be a bridge!"

"It only appears during the light of the full moon," Sheldor reminded them. "We should eat while we have the time. We do not know how long it will take to cross the pit, or how far we have to go to find shelter. I cannot see the other side in this gloom."

"Maybe there isn't another side!" Wolo said worriedly. "Maybe the other side is just nothingness. I wouldn't put it past the sheriff to send us to our death!"

Hofstad pulled the locket from around his neck. "I knew she was too good to be true," he moaned. "She was to be the love of my life. My one True Love."

Sheldor rolled his eyes. "We have been on this quest for only 36 hours. You are already defeated? You are ready to give up?"

"Wajellan is dead, you pompous pwick!" Kripian yelled. "Do you not wealize that one of our own is gone?"

Sheldor drew himself up to his full height. "And I will honor his memory by succeeding in our quest. We will have that laboratory and we will name a wing after him. His death will not be in vain."

"Yeah, I'm sure that is just what he would have wanted," Wolo said snidely. "To be decapitated by a bug and have his name on a plaque."

Sheldor ignored them and sat down in the shade of a vine. He handed out some jerky and crackers and tried to center himself. He wasn't giving up! No matter what!

* * *

Penelope tied her cloak around her neck securely and took the secret tunnel out of the maze. It was a straight shot to the magic bridge, and with new invaders, she thought it best to double check that the kraken was awake. Normally, the bridge was sturdy and safe, even without rails. But a couple of years ago she had found a way to sort of booby-trap it.

It was still safe to cross, on one condition. You must not hesitate. A single pause would let her pet drag the offender off into the abyss. She emerged from the tunnel and crept over to the posts that would hold the bridge in place when the moon shone bright. She sighed as she looked up at the sky. What she wouldn't give for it to be overcast tonight.

Oh well. She knew from past experience that even the most active of men could be counted on to pause at some point or another. Especially since she had intentionally place distractions along the bridge. She whispered fervently, reminding Muffin of it's job. The kraken was able to use four of his appendages to 'climb' the support beams of the magical bridge. If he could get high enough, fast enough, he could easily snatch someone off the bridge.

She was about to turn and leave when she heard voices drifting over from the other side. She strained to hear what they were saying.

"…_my True Love is on the other…"_

"…_just a woman. I have no intentions of…"_

"…_saw her first! Our babies…"_

"…_sound obsessed. Your libido can and will lead you to…"_

Penelope frowned as she tried to make sense of it. After a moment she shook her head and hurried away. Whatever they were discussing, it was obvious they were not getting along. That would work in her favor. United, a group of men might have the fortitude to make it through her maze. But a disgruntled group? They would spend just as much time fighting among themselves as they would the creatures that awaited them. Heck, they might even destroy each other before the trolls ever got the chance.

Either way, she was feeling pretty confident about her chances.

* * *

Sheldor stalked off a few yards. He was sick of Hoftad's moaning and obsessing. What happened to the man of science? One look at a pretty face, and he was ready to abandon all the things they had worked for.

He knew he really shouldn't be surprised. He knew that his friend had always had an obsession with finding True Love. Look at his track record. He had been head over hoof for that female centaur, Wink Leslock. When he tried to ride her, she had bucked him off and broken his arm.

He had tried to impress that witch, Pyria of Arabia, by boasting of his prowess with a magic. She had been about to turn him into a toad when Hofstad tripped into the horse trough and splashed her with water. She had melted before she could cast the spell.

And who could forget the infamous Amies, the dead girl incident? Why Hofstad thought he could find everlasting love with a corpse was a mystery. Everyone knew zombies, no matter how attractive, only cared about one thing. Brains. Well, the eating of brains, anyway.

Sheldor leaned back against a boulder and sighed. Wolo was still going on and on about Rajellan's death. Kripian was lisping so badly, he wasn't sure what the man was saying half the time. The last thing he wanted to listen to was Hofstad obsessing about smart beautiful babies!

He looked out over the horizon as the sun began to sink below the tree line. Not much longer now, and they would be across the chasm, and well on their way to gaining that lab. He took another minute or two to calm down as much as possible before going back and gathering the supplies and his companions.

"We need to move fast," he said as he approached. "None of us know how wide this gap is, so we should not dally."

The others grumbled under their breath but stood and gathered their packs. Sheldor watched closely as the moon rose. A shimmering light began to glow in the center of the open space and before their very eyes a crystalline bridge appeared. It was wider than he had expected, but there was no railing. He shuddered as he took one last look down into the misty abyss. He squared his shoulders and stepped out onto the bridge. He was surprised by how firm it was. He let out the breath he was holding and began walking.


	6. Chapter 6

They traveled in silence for two hours. Sheldor estimated they were a third of the way across when they saw a small pole holding a sign.

**Go back! You are not worthy! Beware of Muffin!**

Sheldon ignored the sign. It was a nonsensical statement. Worthy of what? Behind him Wolo whimpered a bit as he scooted along the bridge. He refused to actually lift his feet, preferring to simply slide them along, his eyes fixed on the gleaming bridge. Behind him Hofstad was still rhapsodizing about the object of their quest. He was convinced this was destiny. He was already naming their eighth child (Humphrey, for heaven's sake!) and designing the large heart shaped bed those children would be conceived on.

Sheldor had traveled several feet when he realized he could no longer hear Kripian complaining. He stopped and looked over the heads of his companions. Kripian was standing near the sign looking at it quizzically.

"Why have you stopped?" Sheldor asked loudly. "We must cross as quickly as possible."

"Wothy? Wothy of what?" Kripian asked.

Sheldor sighed heavily. "It is a nonsensical sign. Let's proceed."

Kripian looked at the sign again briefly before turning and walking toward them. "I don't get it. Why should we wowwy about muffins?"

Sheldor ignored him and turned to continue across. Really! He thought to himself. Does it even matter? They had a goal, and stopping to overthink ridiculous signs was not part of the agenda!

Kripian wasn't finished, though. "Whoevah put that sign there must have had a weason."

Everyone ignored him, despite his continued mutterings. They walked on, anxiety building with each step. They were half way across when they found another sign poking out the side of the bridge.

**Go back! You've been warned! Muffin awaits you!**

Sheldor didn't even slow down. He had no intention of acknowledging such nonsensical signs. Hofstad and Wolo whimpered, and Kripian paused. "I don't wike this," he said fearfully. "Maybe we should tuwn awound."

"Keep moving," Sheldor said firmly. "It's simply a scare tactic. It means nothing." He continued to move forward confidently, the others following more warily. Another couple of hours passed and they could finally see the cliff on the other side when they came across one more sign.

**You better not give Muffin indigestion.**

"Um, maybe Kripian is right," Wolo said nervously. "There's got to be another way across. I mean, some knights took horses across, and this bridge is too narrow for that."

Sheldor turned and glared at them. "This bridge is magical. It can change shape, you know. It will disappear when the sun rises in a very short time. Even if we wanted to go back, we do not have the time. Now, what do you want to do? Go back and let the bridge disappear beneath your feet, all because of a few stupid signs?"

Hofstad inched forward. "Well, when you put it like that…"

Kripian nodded and moved along the bridge a bit quicker. Wolo stared at the sign for a moment more before turning to watch his companions head on toward the end of the bridge. He started to lift his leg but froze when something gripped him tightly.

Sheldor rolled his eyes when he heard Wolow shriek. That man just could NOT be quiet! He turned to berate his friend and gasped. Kripian and Hofstad took one look and began running full speed toward the cliff. Sheldor rushed back, knife drawn. Eight feet of olive green tentacle rose from the thick mist of the pit. Sheldor twitched when he considered how much longer the animal must be _inside_ the mist. It held Wolo high in the air, dangling him like a carrot.

Sheldor sprang forward and slashed at the tentacle several times before it whipped backwards and disappeared into the mist. For several seconds they heard Wolo screaming for help before the sound was cut off by a horrendously loud crunch.

Sheldor stood on the edge of the bridge, shocked and unable to move. He couldn't understand it. Surely there was no such creature! A soft sound broke through his shock and he looked down to see the tentacle slipping along the edge of the bride, searching. He sprang away and ran for the cliff.

"WHAT THE FWEAKIN' HELL WAS THAT?!" Kripian screamed.

"It killed Wolo," Hofstad whispered. "How could it kill Wolo?"

Sheldor looked back over his shoulder as the sun peaked over the horizon. The bridge shimmered and disappeared quickly. The tentacle gave them a jaunty wave and slipped back down into the mist.

The three men collapsed onto the grass and gulped. It would be hours before they worked up the courage to move.

* * *

Penelope looked up from her book as the mer-man whistled to her. She walked over to the little river and he handed her a bloody cloak. She kissed his cheek and smiled. Two down. Two to go.


	7. Chapter 7

Sheldor looked at the entrance to the maze with resolve. One more obstacle in the path. He had to go through it to get to his lifelong dream. Science was his dream. His mistress. His everything. He would do whatever it took to accomplish the task Mother Goose set before him.

Hofstad looked at the entrance to the maze without really seeing it. All he could see was his dreams. A blond haired beauty with emerald eyes and lush red lips smiling beguilingly at him. She would have a large bosom, ample backside and long creamy white legs that would wrap around him intimately. She would wear tight corsets and gauzy skirts. She would tell him he was her everything. It would be perfect.

Kripian looked at the entrance to the maze with fear. He kept seeing that tentacle that stole away Wolo. He kept seeing the large insect that ate Rajellan's head. He remembered the stories Gabhaus told them of troll armies, dragons and vampires. It took all his willpower not to wet his tunic. He'd turn around and run home if it wasn't for the fact that the bridge wouldn't be back for a month. His only chance of survival was to stick with his companions.

A roar sounded in the distance and Kripian whimpered. Hofstad looked slightly confused as he was pulled from his fantasies. Sheldon sighed wearily and hefted his bag over his shoulder. He straightened his spine and strode into the maze confidently. Hofstad and Kripian followed a bit slower.

* * *

Penelope hummed to herself as she walked along the path to a small cave in the upper right corner of the maze. She lifted the lid of the basket she carried and began to toss small chunks of meat onto the ground. Almost immediately a large dark shape came into view. She whistled three short bursts and the creature glided toward her, gulping down the morsels as it went. She knelt by the path's edge and stretched out her hand. The cold skin could cut if rubbed the wrong way, so she just patted him gently.

"We have company coming," she murmured to him tenderly. "So, I need you to be alert, okay?"

The creature moved up beside her, revealing his angular, glacier-like body. Jaws filled with jagged, three inch teeth stretched wide in a yawn, before turning to nuzzle her carefully.

Penelope laughed softly and held out more meat for the old ice dragon. Only two more intruders to go and she would be able to relax again.

* * *

Hofstad huffed wearily as they walked along the dirt path. "Are you sure you know where we're going?" he whined. "We've been walking for hours!"

Sheldor rolled his eyes and adjusted his tunic belt a little. "We have traveled for a mere 45 minutes, Hofstad. You really must learn to keep track of time better. The maze is forty miles of twists, turns, dead ends, and dangers. It will take us approximately 74 hours to navigate to the center."

Kripian gasped and grabbed Sheldor's arm. "74 HOUWAHS?! Awe you insane? We can't wondah awound this maze for 74 houwahs! What about the vampiyahs? Or the dwagons? Or, for faiwies sake, twolls!"

"One," Sheldor said calmly, "if we keep alert we can avoid most of the dangers. Two, we do not actually know what creatures reside in this maze. Besides, those we do come across are mindless beasts, or traps set by mindless beasts. We are intelligent men. We may not be warriors, but we _are_ scientists. We have the knowledge to defeat anything we comer across. Three, we have to continue. The bridge is gone. We have no choice but to move forward."

Hofstad shuddered as something screeched in the distance. He hurried to keep up and gripped his dagger with one hand tightly. "Let's just keep our voices down and move fast," he begged. "I have a princess to rescue and babies to conceive."

Sheldor sighed wearily. The next 74 hours were going to be _soooooooo_ fun.

* * *

The sun was setting and Sheldor knew that their best bet was to find some sort of shelter until dawn. They found a snake skin along the path so large that when draped at the mouth of a dead end, it worked like a screen, hiding them from view. They knew better than to start a fire, but that didn't stop Kripian from complaining about the cold night air. It didn't stop Hofstad from complaining about cold mutton.

Sheldor leaned back against the hedge and looked up at the star-filled sky. He knew the likelihood of them succeeding in this quest was only about 68.6%. The likelihood of all three of them making it through this alive was less than 30%.

But _if_ they did it… if one of them made it through, Mother Goose would provide a laboratory for anyone who wanted to study science. She may be a being of magic, and she may be a iron-handed ruler, but she was also a woman of her word. Even if they all died trying, as long as they succeeded in rescuing the damsel, she would honor her promise. Future Fabletonians would have the opportunity to study the mysteries of the universe.

Sheldor drew his cloak around his lanky body as best he could and closed his eyes. He needed adequate sleep if he was to face whatever traps and creatures the maze threw at them tomorrow.

* * *

Penelope snuggled deeper under her blankets and tried to get comfortable. It was almost impossible to sleep now that she knew the invaders had gotten into the maze. She knew they wouldn't make it through but still…. Penelope groaned and tossed back the blankets. She sighed and stood up. Maybe some peppermint tea would help her sleep.

She put on the kettle and looked at the map of the maze that hung over her hearth. So many dead ends, so many traps, and only one true path. Tonight the trolls would rest while the basilisk and the gargoyles patrolled. Tomorrow the trolls would hunt out every corner of the maze until they found the intruders and brought their corpses to her. Maybe, just maybe, if they was vicious enough, Mother Goose would give up this futile endeavor.

She stepped out onto the lawn and watched the kappas dancing under the moonlight. She grinned as they twirled and frolicked. A tug on her gown drew her gaze. She smiled and set her teacup on the banister. Soon Penelope was cavorting with the little blue/green creatures, her mind free of cares. Soon imps and sprites joined the party. She laughed, losing herself in the joy of acceptance she felt from the beings around her.

When dawn came, she would worry about the other two men Mother Goose had sent, but for tonight she would enjoy herself with the creatures and outcasts who made up her family.


	8. Chapter 8

**For those who asked, remember, the beetle couldn't count higher than three and told Penelope there were only four men, not five.**

* * *

Sheldor crouched down beside a boulder and looked around cautiously. The troll that had almost spotted them turned a corner and disappeared from sight. He counted to ten and then eased forward, motioning the others to follow. That was the eighth one they had almost run into so far.

Hofstad whimpered and huddled behind the boulder, shaking his head. "We're never going to make it!" he whined. "We're going to be eaten by one of those monsters! I'll never reach my True Love! We'll never have our beautiful, smart children, Abigail, Bernard, Lawrence, Danielle, Samantha, Edgar, Neville, Humphrey, Courtney, and Gregory. She'll never know the ecstasy that could have been us!"

Sheldor had had enough. He spun and looked at his companions. "I have had enough of your whining and bickering. We are on a quest for our wildest, most important dream! A laboratory! And all you can do is whine about some strumpet you have never even met, and your ten imaginary children! If you are so spineless that you cannot face a few trolls for OUR DREAM then you can stay here, hiding and whining!"

Kripian's jaw dropped and his eyes got wide. "Dude! Hawsh! Wook, we awe all undah a lot of stwess. Wet's just calm down and welax for a moment. Take a deep bweath and then we'll head out. Okay?"

Sheldor stood and straightened his shoulders. "Relax all you want. I have a laboratory to earn." He drew his dagger and strode out onto the path. In seconds he was gone, disappearing around a corner.

They stared at the empty path in stunned disbelief. "He… he just walked away," Hofstad said with incredulity.

Kripian nodded slowly. "Yes, he did."

Hofstad looked at him worriedly. "What do we do?"

Kripian sighed and rolled his eyes. "We fowwow him, you idiot."

They grabbed their packs and rushed after him, just as a harpy fly overhead.

* * *

Penelope looked up from the map on the table as Gladys the Harpy touched down beside her. "No two humans at the pool."

Penelope sighed and thanked her before turning back to the map of the maze. How could two men be so hard to find in one little maze? All day the trolls, harpies, sprites and the basilisk had searched out every corner at least twice. Penelope was getting more and more frustrated. What kind of wizards were these men?!

She pounded her hand against the table with frustration. They were definitely in the maze. The basilisk had found a half eaten bowl of porridge. Ku'rtape had stumbled upon a torn piece of cloak. There was no doubt they had breached the maze walls. She needed to come up with a new plan. No way was she letting a couple of stupid wizards ruin her incredibly wonderful life by forcing her into the horrible state known as True Love! She was going to have to step it up. No more Miss Nice Girl. She stalked over to a hole in the lawn and bent down. "Kappas! It's your turn. Find those blasted humans and rip them to shreds!"

A piercing cry of glee rose from the holes in her yard. Soon hundreds of kappas were running joyfully into the maze.

* * *

Sheldor clutched at his sides and tried to catch his breath. He looked at his companions, taking note of the scratches and torn tunics. He, himself, was in much the same state. All around the four foot high broken tree stump little monsters screeched and jumped. Their long, spindly hands stretched toward them, as they snapped their sharp, vicious teeth angrily.

"What the hell are those things?!" Hofstad cried. "Demented elves? Why are they wearing bowls on their heads?"

"Mowe wike cannibal lepwechans!" Kripian yelled.

Sheldor shook his head. "I think they are some sort of imps," he gasped shallowly. "Although I've never heard of imps with bloody mouths and pointy tails. Also, I don't think those are bowls. I think that's just the shape of their heads."

"Okay, we awe twapped on a fweakin' twee, by bwood firsty imps," Kripian growled. "What the fwack awe we going to do?"

Sheldor looked around the path, noting the way the hedges seemed to lean backwards. All the creatures packed into the path were pushing the hedges outwards. He quickly calculated the angles and body weight of him and his companions.

No, the hedge's thin branches were too weak to support their weight. Especially if any of the little terrors chasing them climbed up also. He shrugged off his pack and searched through it frantically. There had to be something he could do!

He tossed the pack down and bent over, hands on his knees, head bowed down in frustration. Slowly the chattering began to die down. The three men watched in stunned silence as one-by-one the creatures bowed their heads. The water in the bowl-shaped indentations on top of their heads spilled over the ground. After a few minutes Sheldor tentatively reached out and poked on of them with his finger.

"Awe they pawawyzed?" Kripian asked carefully.

"It would appear so," Sheldor said curiously. "I wonder why. I really must study this phenomenon."

Hofstad smacked him on the shoulder. "Now?! You want to study them now! Who cares why! Let's get out of here before they EAT us!"

Sheldor sighed with regret and hopped off the tree stump. "Of course. Let's continue our quest. Maybe I can study this phenomenon at a later date in our lab."

Kripian rolled his eyes as the three men hurried away. "Yeah. That's a good idea. Dwag dangewous cweatures into our lab and twy to study them. I swear you wive in a dweam world sometimes!"

Sheldor huffed as they navigated the maze with quick steps. "I do not understand how you cannot be fascinated by what we just saw," he grumbled. He peered around a corner and waved the others forward. They ran to the end of the path and looked to the left and the right. "I suggest left."

Hofstad shook his head. "I say right."

A loud swooshing sound rose up and the guys looked at the sky in time to dive to the ground as the ice dragon swooped over their heads. "Wun!" Kripian yelled, jumping back to his feet. Sheldor and Hofstad scrambled to their feet and followed him down the right path.

The flapping of wings grew louder and louder. They ran as fast as they could, praying they found a way to evade the dragon soon.

"Dead end!" Hofstad screeched suddenly.

Again they heard the dreaded swooshing sound and they once again hit the ground. The dragon couldn't pull up fast enough, and careened into the hedged blocking the path. Sheldor looked at the dragon and then hurried to his feet. He grabbed Hofstad's arm and Kripian's cloak. The dragon had ripped a large section of the hedge away, knocking itself unconscious in the process. Beneath the dragon and broken branches lay a huge snake, obviously reeling from the impact.

Sheldor looked at it carefully. "Well, that's convenient." Then the three men gingerly stepped around the creatures and headed down the next path.


	9. Chapter 9

**In an effort to avoid the "aggh! cliffhanger" reviews, and the severe beatings that follow from a few certain people *cough, travis, cough*I'm posting the last two chapters now. Thank you for reading, and reviewing everyone! May you all have your own happily-ever-after.**

* * *

She felt like screaming. She felt like hitting something. She _really_ wanted to throw a huge tantrum. To kick, cry, and shriek loud and long until she was numb. Instead she drew in a long shaky breath and turned to the creature beside her. He was larger than the normal hedgehog, being about 12 feet long from nose to tail. He wasn't very bright, and could only say one word, "Dinsdale", but he was very good at following directions.

"Spiny Norman, please fetch me my watering can. Make sure it is full," she said stiffly. The hedgehog scurried away quickly, eager to escape before his princess lost her temper.

Penelope walked over to the broken hedge and knelt down beside the basilisk. She rubbed his sore head gently, looking over his coils carefully for injuries. A few scratches from the ice dragon's razor sharp scales, and a rather prominent goose-egg on his head seemed to be the extent of it. She turned to the sheepish dragon and gave him a comforting smile. "Why don't the both of you go see the harpies? They'll fix you up and get you some dinner."

The creatures nodded and limped off. Penelope dusted off her hands and stood up. She squared her shoulders and headed into the maze. She was through playing games. She was through letting the creatures of her maze defend her freedom. It was time for her to get her own hands dirty. She was going to rip the very hearts from the men who had hurt her beloved friends. She was going to skin them and hang their lifeless bodies from the entrance of the maze. Let their rotting carcasses serve as a warning to any who followed. Maybe the blood she spilled would finally convince Mother Goose to leave her be.

* * *

Sheldor paused and looked up at the sky with confusion. It was a clear, beautiful summer day, so where was the thunder he heard coming from? A small dust cloud appeared in the distance, swiftly moving toward them.

"What fwesh hell is this?" Kripian cried loudly.

Sheldor tilted his head to the left curiously. The dust cloud was only about a foot high, but too thick to see through. It only took seconds for it to reach them. Sheldor was astonished to see the thousands of gerbils streaming past them.

Hofstad giggled uneasily. "They're only hamsters."

"Gerbils," Sheldor corrected. "Hamsters are smaller."

Hofstad glared at him. "Fine. They're only gerbils."

Sheldor nodded. "I find myself curious as to what they are running from."

"I find myself wondahwing why we awe not wunning also," Kripian gulped nervously.

Hofstad swallowed anxiously. "Umm, Kripian may have a point there.

The men froze as a figure appeared at the end of the path. The wind whipped her golden hair around her like streamers. Her hands were curled into fists. Even from this distance they could see the anger in her eyes. The air around her practically crackled with her fury. She began moving toward them in measured steps.

Hofstad began to smooth his unruly curls, a welcoming smile spreading across his face. "It's her,' he whispered. "My True Love! She's even more beautiful than I anticipated!"

Before they could stop him, Hofstad hurried forward, his arms outstretched. "I'm here, my love! I've come to rescue you from this accursed maze! We will live happily ev…URK!"

Sheldor and Kripian gasped as the blonde evaded Hofstad's outstretched arms, driving the dirk in her hand deep into his chest. She twisted the blade clockwise and jerked it free. A spray of ruby blood splashed across her cheek, but she paid no attention to it. She continued to advance on them ignoring the way Hofstad's body crumbled to the ground.

"I am no one's happily ever after," she growled viciously. "I am no one's True Love. I refuse to be claimed like some long forgotten gold piece found on the side of the road. Your lives were forfeit the moment you stepped onto the mountain."

Kripian's scream was so high pitched, even the minotaurs across the maze cringed. He dropped his pack, and fled in the opposite direction as fast as his legs would carry him.

Penelope paused and looked at Sheldor with confusion. "Three? No wonder the harpies didn't find you! They were looking for only two men! Stupid beetles! I've really got to get them educated," she mumbled to herself, wiping her blade on her skirt. She shrugged and began advancing on Sheldor, murder in her eyes.

Sheldor gulped as the woman drew closer. He quickly held up his hands to make her pause. "Wait! I'm not here to rescue you"

Penelope sneered as she tightened her grip on the blade in her hand. "Oh? Just out for a casual stroll, and you accidentally stumbled into my maze?"

Sheldor drew himself up to his full height. "There's no need to speak to me so snidely. I simply want a laboratory."

Penelope paused for a moment, much to his relief. "What the hell is that? Some new creature?" Her eyes lit up with excitement. "Does it bite? Is it poisonous?"

He rolled his eyes, carefully keeping a few feet of distance between them. "No. It is a building for people to study the mysteries of the universe. A place of science."

Penelope tilted her head slightly. "Huh?" She looked back at the short guy gasping and struggling to breath. "You mean you guys weren't here to claim me as a True Love?"

Sheldor blushed slightly with embarrassment. "Um, well. Hofstad may have had some intentions toward you. But in his defense, he's fairly desperate to have a True Love."

Penelope glared at the man bleeding sluggishly on her path. "Idiot," she muttered venomously. "I will never be claimed. Especially not by a horc."

"Horc?"

Penelope nodded as she looked back at him. "Look at him. The wide forehead, the squinty eyes, the wheezy voice. He's half human and half orc."

Sheldor slowly nodded his understanding. "That explains a lot." In the distance a cry of surprise and panic rode up over the hedges. Sheldor cringed, wondering what horrid fate had befell Kripian.

Penelope looked at him critically. "What does one need for a laboratory?"

Sheldor shrugged. "A place to study, peace and quiet during the day, and the proper equipment."

Penelope nibbled on her bottom lip and paced back and forth. "So, let me see if I understand this. You rescue me, and you get your science thingy, right?"

He nodded carefully.

"But you aren't interested in having a True Love?"

"Absolutely not!" he assured her firmly.

Penelope slowly smiled. "I may just have the perfect solution for us both."

Sheldor studied her calm expression with foreboding. "Somehow I don't think your idea of perfect and my idea of perfect are the same thing."

She laughed lightly. "Come. Let's have some tea and discuss our future." She took his arm and led him down the path.

Sheldor glanced at the body of his fellow traveler as the last breath left Hofstad's lungs. "What of my companions?"

"Dead," she said calmly. "All of them. Even the one who ran away. That path ends with a large web. M'Maw loves to play with her food, but by nightfall, he will be a dried up husk. I'll shred him up later to fertilize my garden."

Sheldor swallowed the fear and disgust that threatened to cut off his air. "You scare me," he admitted faintly.

She laughed lightly. "Sweetie, you ain't seen nothing yet."


	10. Chapter 10

To be honest, they expected her a lot sooner. Exactly two weeks after they called a truce, Mother Goose magically appeared in Penelope's cottage. Sheldor and Penelope looked up from their breakfast casually.

"Hello," Penelope said with a smile. "Would you like some oatmeal?"

Mother Goose glared at them both. "What do you two think you are doing?!"

"Having breakfast," Penelope said as she filled a bowl with the aromatic food. "Do you want any fruit?"

Mother Goose stomped her foot and shoved her hands onto her hips. "No! I want to know why you have not finished your quest!" she shouted at Sheldor.

"I have," he said simply. "My quest was to journey here and obtain a lab. I have done so."

"I have not given you the laboratory!" she insisted. "You haven't claimed Penelope as your True Love!"

"To do so would be a lie," Penelope said as she resumed sitting across from Sheldor. "We have already found our True Loves. Sheldor's is his science. Mine is my freedom. We need no other loves."

"That's not True Love!" Mother Goose insisted. "Why must you two fight this so hard?"

"Why do you?" Penelope asked softly. "Who says True Love has to be another person? I am happiest playing with the minotaur babies, dancing with my kappas, or playing hide and seek with the trolls. Sheldor is happiest with his microscope, and boards and theories. Why are you so determined to keep us from being happy?"

Mother Goose opened and closed her mouth several times before sighing heavily. Her shoulders drooped and she sat down on the chair between them. "Is that what you think I want to do? I would never try to keep you from being happy. I just assumed that, like everyone else, you would be happiest if you fell in love."

"Mother Goose, we _are_ happy," Penelope assured her.

"Yes," Sheldor nodded. "Penelope has graciously given me half her yard. Muffin brings us sand and stones for my building. The trolls and the minotaurs are helping with construction. The imps and harpies are helping me to build the equipment I require. Penelope and I have become friends. I have never been as accepted or content as I am now."

Penelope reached over and gripped Mother Goose's hand. "I love my life here. I love my friends here. I would be miserable anywhere else."

Mother Goose smiled gently at them both. "I guess this actually is a happily-ever-after. Maybe it's not the one I expected, but there is no denying the joy you both have."

Penelope smiled at Sheldor and he smiled back at her.

Mother Goose sighed internally at the complete lack of sentimentality or desire between the two. She had had such high hopes for the two of them, but she couldn't deny what they did have. They had peace. They had happiness. They had companionship, not just with each other, but with all the inhabitants of this dangerous land.

She stood and smoothed her skirts with steady hands. "Well, as much as I would like to stay and enjoy this repast with you, I have lilies to tend."

In a flash she was gone. Penelope picked up her spoon and began eating again. Sheldor looked at her curiously. "Do you think she will really leave us alone"

Penelope smiled and shrugged. "Maybe. Maybe not. Sheldor, I have lived here for almost 20 years. No one has ever succeeded in claiming me. No one ever shall. The beasts and creatures that live here will always defend us."

He relaxed and nodded calmly. He quickly finished his oatmeal and stood. "Well, I better get to work. M'maw promised to come by and help us raise the roof beams this morning."

Penelope nodded and waved him off. She ate leisurely and then went to fill her watering can. She had her own plans for the day. She had discovered a female basilisk living among the vines. She was going to try and convince her to come out and meet the basilisk in the cave. She hummed happily as she imagined tiny basilisk babies.

Sometimes happily-ever-after doesn't involve marriage and love. Sometimes it's just about the freedom to be who you want to be.


End file.
